Driving like a Douche: Turning Left at an Intersection (part 2 of a zillion)

You're in a left turn lane. There's traffic coming from the other direction. There's a light - it just turned green. What do you do?

If you answered: I inch forward into the middle of the intersection, preparing for my left turn, and also making it possible for the car behind me to make a left turn before the light turns left - Congratulations! You are not driving like a douchebag.

If, however, you just sit there, with no regard for the fact that people behind you would like to make the turn before the light turns red, and won't be able to unless you inch forward into the intersection... Yes, you are driving like a douche.

Driving like a Douche: LA Freeway Drivers (part 1 of a zillion)

I may not be the best driver, at least according to my fiance, but at least I don't drive like a douchebag.

There are many ways one can drive douchily, and in Los Angeles, you'd think people were trying to win a Driving like a Douche award or something. Today, I want to focus on the lanes of freeway travel.

Lanes on freeways were made both to accommodate more traffic and bring some order to the system. Thus, the far right lane is for slower drivers, and those entering and exiting the freeway, and the far left lane is for speeders. The in between lanes make gradual steps between the two - thus it might follow that the 2nd lane is for cautious speed limit drivers, the 3rd lane for over the limit but not 4th lane level drivers.

Now, it is your job to know these rules and abide by them. You are a douchebag if you are speeding in the far right lane - because I am trying to enter the freeway. It is your job to know that if I am entering, I am going to be going slower then you, and also, I have nowhere else to go but this lane. You, on the other hand, can change to any of the other three lanes. May I reccommend the speeding lane.

You are also a douchebag if you are going too slow in the speeding lane, because I want to get a move on. You have no business being here. You drive a piece of shit car and you should head for the number 2 lane, so you can exit soon.

The rest should be rather self explanatory. Now stop driving like a douche.

Driving like a Douche: Vanity License Plates

Vanity license plates are super-douchey. I feel like there's no need to say much more. But I don't want to leave any open questions on this one.

If you have vanity plates, you paid extra for them. You paid extra money for a license plate. It was important to you that your license plate make a statement, so you paid extra.

If you need to make a statement with a license plate, something else is not working out for you. You might want to see a shrink.

But not the SHRNK above. Honestly, would you trust your therapist if they told you they had vanity plates? No. You wouldn't. What's more, some other douchebag got the SHRINK plate with the "i" before this douche. So not only is this guy a douche, he's a slow douche. It's a whole 'nuther level of doucheyness.

As for TV CAT. Let's see - he's trying to tell us something. Ummmm, he works in television and drives a Jaguar? Ding, ding, ding. But I bet he doesn't work in television anymore, because he got fired for being too much of a douche.

Got it. No Vanity Plates. Unless they're about the Boston Red Sox. Then I make an exception. Because nothing about the Boston Red Sox can ever be douchey.