Guys Who Love Piven

This is a story about how any of us, even hard-working Chicago actors, can become douchebags.

Before Piven became Ari Gold, he was an actor's actor. He did his time on the Chicago stage, played those third guy from the left roles in movies, was energetic but rather harmless.

Then came Entourage, and Piven became the mascot for all things self-indulgent, masturbatory, and of course, douchey. It could have stopped there, at the mascot part, but Piven seemed to embrace his character, and soon playing a douchebag made him a douchebag.

Then came the crowning achievement - dropping out of a Broadway play. Unless you're bleeding from the eyes, that just isn't done. People would give Lance Armstrong's last nut to get on Broadway. And doing a Mamet play at that?

But poor, douchey little Piven is feeling sleepy from all the mercury in his sushi. Have a fucking Red Bull and get out there, dude. (Notice how you haven't heard any of his castmates from the show coming to his defense).

So yes. Sadly, Piven has become a douchebag. And he is spreading his douche-plague upon fedora wearing Hollywood hipster dudes from La Brea to La Cienega, all of whom want to be actors, all of whom want to bang the Lohan-of-the-month, all of whom want to be Piven.

Conclusion: Guys who love Piven are Douchebags.